Today I skipped the 15 minutes of blogging in exchange for a relaxing day of making pizza, napping and snuggling with the baby. I do however want to share that day 3 of baltic amber teething necklace seems to be working. I ordered it from Inspired By Finn. Hopefully we will be able to visit with "Cousin" tomorrow because we got a necklace for her too. I also ordered dryer balls from Baby Steals at half off and I can't wait to get them! Looking to save money any way I can, even if it's just a few dollars from not using fabric softener anymore.
My 5 minutes is up, and Lifetime movies are waiting. Goodnight friends!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Two
This, obviously, is an old entry that apparently I never posted. It fits in right between forgetful and exhausted. Enjoy.
I was reminded yesterday that I am a blogging failure. It is true. I thought that with my new career as a stay at home mom and a lovely summer off, I'd be able to find time to document these wonderful baby moments while she sleeps. That is just not the case.
The summer was too hot. Like hot enough that after 5 years we finally broke down and bought an air conditioner for this cramped little 2nd floor apartment. Every year I become more and more like my mom with regards to extreme temperatures, and this summer I found myself complaining that I might die of heat stroke. Not sure if it really was the weather or the millions of rampant hormones surging through my veins, but I gave in to the humidity and planted my ass on the couch, prepared with ice water and a hungry baby. Did I fail myself because I didn't really go out and do anything fun? No. In fact I spent the summer just like a new mom should - feeding and loving that sweet little baby, healing, crying, eating... Let's not get into the outside emotional stresses that prolonged the healing process
When our landlords gave us 70 days to move out it was like a slap in the face. Desperate to appear strong and able, I volunteered my days off to pack up the apartment, sort through the stuff we don't need, make the actual moving weekend easier, etc. After about a month I realized that I don't have days off. It's not easy to pack when baby sleeps because the loud noise of the packing tape wakes her, bumping into walls with boxes wakes her, screaming when I smash my finger in the door jam wakes her, so then I stop what I'm doing to snuggle her sweet little face and forget about the years worth of junk that needs to be removed from this apartment. Did I fail my hubby because we now have 1.5 weeks and I've only packed about 6 boxes? No. I gave that little angel more attention than I ever thought she would need, and she gave me the smiles and giggles that I needed. Who cares about packing? Everyone waits til the last minute, why can't I?
I was reminded yesterday that I am a blogging failure. It is true. I thought that with my new career as a stay at home mom and a lovely summer off, I'd be able to find time to document these wonderful baby moments while she sleeps. That is just not the case.
The summer was too hot. Like hot enough that after 5 years we finally broke down and bought an air conditioner for this cramped little 2nd floor apartment. Every year I become more and more like my mom with regards to extreme temperatures, and this summer I found myself complaining that I might die of heat stroke. Not sure if it really was the weather or the millions of rampant hormones surging through my veins, but I gave in to the humidity and planted my ass on the couch, prepared with ice water and a hungry baby. Did I fail myself because I didn't really go out and do anything fun? No. In fact I spent the summer just like a new mom should - feeding and loving that sweet little baby, healing, crying, eating... Let's not get into the outside emotional stresses that prolonged the healing process
When our landlords gave us 70 days to move out it was like a slap in the face. Desperate to appear strong and able, I volunteered my days off to pack up the apartment, sort through the stuff we don't need, make the actual moving weekend easier, etc. After about a month I realized that I don't have days off. It's not easy to pack when baby sleeps because the loud noise of the packing tape wakes her, bumping into walls with boxes wakes her, screaming when I smash my finger in the door jam wakes her, so then I stop what I'm doing to snuggle her sweet little face and forget about the years worth of junk that needs to be removed from this apartment. Did I fail my hubby because we now have 1.5 weeks and I've only packed about 6 boxes? No. I gave that little angel more attention than I ever thought she would need, and she gave me the smiles and giggles that I needed. Who cares about packing? Everyone waits til the last minute, why can't I?
Oh How I Love My Unselfish Friends (Part 1)
Through the emotional roller coaster that is pregnancy, childbirth and sleepless midnight feedings, I rediscovered one very important thing about my relationships - maybe this wasn't so important before, or maybe it is just insanely important now...
Friends listen to you.
It seems like millions of people wanted to come to the hospital to visit and see the new baby. And they did. Without asking first. Ok, I know that this is common and considered normal, but I didn't want it. I wanted my family and Fiance's family, but that's it. I asked a few other people to come to the hospital, and some of them did show up which was lovely, but some of them also politely declined because they knew I would need the time to recover and bond with my precious little love. Everyone else who showed up just annoyed me, and then they wouldn't leave! Grrrrr! I don't feel like I had a chance to bond with her until after we went home because all I did was try to hold my pee (and keep my gown closed) until there was a break in unannounced visitors. Anyway, you friends who respected my wishes to have family only visit, thank you.
So at home people wanted to come over too, which is fine, but again many of these people didn't respect my specific requests (which were usually to visit for only an hour, and to bring me food instead of cute tiny little clothes for the baby.) One friend comes to mind when I remember those blurry days with a newborn. I'll call her "Angel." Angel brought me food. Angel waited on me in my own home. Angel called to see how I was doing before asking about the baby or Fiance. Angel listened to me vent, gave me hugs, and told me funny, non-baby stories to make me laugh and keep my mind off the millions of hormone-induced worries I had. Angel called a few times a week to see if I needed anything, to tell me she's in the area if I wanted company, and most importantly, she called to tell me that she was just thinking of me and she loved me. I love Angel, and sometimes I wish I had a million more of her in my life. But I have just one, and she's perfect.
I thought that this post was going to be a bitch about the many selfish friends I have who came over unannounced and piled their gifts of baby clothes in the corner of my living room while I was hungry and dying to take a hot shower... But I really am more grateful for those few unselfish friends than angry with the rest. I guess I have to be angry to write an angry blog post? There are a few people on this Earth who are undoubtedly deserving of my complete respect, and they know who they are. I just hope they also know that I am eternally grateful for their presence in my life.
What is supposed to be the most joyous of occasions (don't get me wrong, it has been an amazingly beautiful time since my daughter was born) is so easily turned into a nightmare, an upheaval of emotions and stability... Thank you, dear unselfish friends, for helping to carry me through.
Friends listen to you.
It seems like millions of people wanted to come to the hospital to visit and see the new baby. And they did. Without asking first. Ok, I know that this is common and considered normal, but I didn't want it. I wanted my family and Fiance's family, but that's it. I asked a few other people to come to the hospital, and some of them did show up which was lovely, but some of them also politely declined because they knew I would need the time to recover and bond with my precious little love. Everyone else who showed up just annoyed me, and then they wouldn't leave! Grrrrr! I don't feel like I had a chance to bond with her until after we went home because all I did was try to hold my pee (and keep my gown closed) until there was a break in unannounced visitors. Anyway, you friends who respected my wishes to have family only visit, thank you.
So at home people wanted to come over too, which is fine, but again many of these people didn't respect my specific requests (which were usually to visit for only an hour, and to bring me food instead of cute tiny little clothes for the baby.) One friend comes to mind when I remember those blurry days with a newborn. I'll call her "Angel." Angel brought me food. Angel waited on me in my own home. Angel called to see how I was doing before asking about the baby or Fiance. Angel listened to me vent, gave me hugs, and told me funny, non-baby stories to make me laugh and keep my mind off the millions of hormone-induced worries I had. Angel called a few times a week to see if I needed anything, to tell me she's in the area if I wanted company, and most importantly, she called to tell me that she was just thinking of me and she loved me. I love Angel, and sometimes I wish I had a million more of her in my life. But I have just one, and she's perfect.
I thought that this post was going to be a bitch about the many selfish friends I have who came over unannounced and piled their gifts of baby clothes in the corner of my living room while I was hungry and dying to take a hot shower... But I really am more grateful for those few unselfish friends than angry with the rest. I guess I have to be angry to write an angry blog post? There are a few people on this Earth who are undoubtedly deserving of my complete respect, and they know who they are. I just hope they also know that I am eternally grateful for their presence in my life.
What is supposed to be the most joyous of occasions (don't get me wrong, it has been an amazingly beautiful time since my daughter was born) is so easily turned into a nightmare, an upheaval of emotions and stability... Thank you, dear unselfish friends, for helping to carry me through.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I Never Thought I Deserved This (Part 1)
Life at home with a new baby was... Wonderful! It was easy. She nursed every couple hours. While she slept, I ate, used the bathroom and then slept until she needed to eat again. It was the perfect arrangement, in my opinion.
My fiance (known here as "Fiance" until I find a suitable nickname for him) was completely helpful. He prepared food for me every time I was hungry, which was pretty much every time the baby ate. He sat in the bathroom while I showered just to make sure I was ok. He made sure I had everything I needed. He took care of me.
At this point, I'm skipping some unnecessary dramatic things that happened during our first weekend home. I'll probably revisit them later.
Tuesday, May 3, Fiance went back to work. His short vaca to adjust to new-dadhood was over, and for him it was back to the daily grind. I was crushed. I wanted him to stay home and take care of me so that I could take care of the baby. I felt like I had no one to talk to, no one to help me, no one who cared. It was a hard adjustment, going from more than full-time employee and part-time student to stay at home mom and botherer of friends. During this period of time I filled my days with taking pictures of the sweet baby, crying on the phone with my mom and hunting down LLL leaders in hopes of hearing that sore nipples were not, in fact, uncommon. When I wasn't doing that, I was nursing baby and pretending that I was ok. I was, after all, expected to be supermom. I had a reputation to uphold.
So, I never thought I deserved to be blessed with such an amazing and beautiful and patient little baby who looked at me with loving eyes and snuggled into me for comfort. I never thought I deserved to be THAT incredibly happy. And I never thought I deserved to be left so alone with such a tiny person when I had exactly zero idea how to care for it.
I hid the bucket of tears from everyone.
My fiance (known here as "Fiance" until I find a suitable nickname for him) was completely helpful. He prepared food for me every time I was hungry, which was pretty much every time the baby ate. He sat in the bathroom while I showered just to make sure I was ok. He made sure I had everything I needed. He took care of me.
At this point, I'm skipping some unnecessary dramatic things that happened during our first weekend home. I'll probably revisit them later.
Tuesday, May 3, Fiance went back to work. His short vaca to adjust to new-dadhood was over, and for him it was back to the daily grind. I was crushed. I wanted him to stay home and take care of me so that I could take care of the baby. I felt like I had no one to talk to, no one to help me, no one who cared. It was a hard adjustment, going from more than full-time employee and part-time student to stay at home mom and botherer of friends. During this period of time I filled my days with taking pictures of the sweet baby, crying on the phone with my mom and hunting down LLL leaders in hopes of hearing that sore nipples were not, in fact, uncommon. When I wasn't doing that, I was nursing baby and pretending that I was ok. I was, after all, expected to be supermom. I had a reputation to uphold.
So, I never thought I deserved to be blessed with such an amazing and beautiful and patient little baby who looked at me with loving eyes and snuggled into me for comfort. I never thought I deserved to be THAT incredibly happy. And I never thought I deserved to be left so alone with such a tiny person when I had exactly zero idea how to care for it.
I hid the bucket of tears from everyone.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
The Beautiful Journey
So I've decided that since I totally suck at blogging, but Karin probably needs more to read for the next few weeks, I'll take 15 minutes each day to tell a story. It will be a continued story, just a little at a time.
Honesty. Anger. Pain. Love. Raw Emotion. That's what you'll get out of me. It really hurts to keep holding this all in, and I have minimal positive support from those near and dear to me.
April 28, 2011. 11:54am. Thunderstorms.
I gave birth to one hell of a beautiful baby.
Lavinia Jane
6lbs 5oz
20 inches
Perfection
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